KENYAN ONLY

Mko hapa?MMEFIKA?....why do Kenyans like asking such obvious questions mnijibu obviously,nikiuliza,”mmefika”,mjibu,”hapana tumeenda!”.Nikiuliza,”mko hapa?”,mseme,’hapana tuko Rongai!!”

A cheating husband was caught red-handed by his wife,the wife asked:”baby is this you?”,the husband answered;”no,this is not me,me is at home!!”

FACTS AND ASSUMPTION

Kenyans must learn to differentiate between fact and assumption.

For example,it is a fact that pesa za free primary education zimeibiwa,assumption ni ati sisi tunajua wezi ni akina nani.

Fact ni Thika road imejengwa na Chinese,assumption ni ati hao Chinese wanajua mahali mbwa za Githurai zimeenda!

Fact ni ati kuna mtoto mmoja mchinese amezaliwa na mkenya,assumption ni ati ni mmoja tu!

FATHERS’ DAY

Happy belated fathers’ day to all fathers.

There is a big difference between fathers and dads.Everybody can be a father but not everybody can be a father.

To be a father you only need to do ONE thing ONCE,but to be a dad you need to do a LOT of things ALL THE TIME.

How you call your father depends on where you live.If you call your father mzee,wewe ni wa ocha.If you call him ‘ma old man’,wewe ni wa Karen but if you call him ‘buda ama mzae’ wewe ni wa eastlando.

Vijana wawili kutoka Jeri walikuwa wanaenda coast wakapata mzee mmoja amekalia kiti na kuna nafasi kando yake.Mmoja akasema,”mzae si unisongee kidogo”.Mzee alikasirika sana akasema,”huniheshimu” na akakataa kumsongea.Huyo mwingine akasema,”nisongee buda”,mzee akamsongea.Jamaa wa coast alikuwa anawatch akasema,”aliyekuita mzae ndiye aliyekuheshimu kwani mzae ni mzaa yeye,lakini huyo aliyekuita buda amekutusi kwani buda ni mfuko wa punda!

FLIGHT

Whenever you get a chance ya kutravel na ndege jiulize,uko kwa aircraft au kwa aeroplane?

Aircraft ni any man made thing that can fly,hata ballons na kites.Kama unaingia ndege na unaingia kama umeinama ni kama unaingia kwa probox,hiyo ni aircraft.

In an aeroplane unaambiwa what to do IN CASE OF EMERGENCY and when an emergency emerges lights come on kukusaidia.

In an aircraft no one tells you anything and in case of an emergency mnaambiwa,”kila mtu atafute mahali ajishikilie!”

WAKAMBA

Wakamba ni watu wanapenda kuongezewa vitu sana.Kuna mmoja alienda kubuy lorry akaona kagari kengine kadogo hapo kando akauliza,”kangari kaa ketawata?”akaambiwa,”vitz’.Akasema,”niongeele kavitz kau!”(the kambas like getting extra portions,one went to buy a lorry and saw another small car(a vitz)and said,””add me that one!

TUNGA SENTENSI-KENYANS LOVE THIS AND IT IS USUALLY DONE TO LAUGHT AT THE ACCENTS OF EACH OTHER.

Wafula aliambiwa atunge sentensi akitumia neon,”FYATUKA” akasema,”KIPRONO ALIPOFIKA HAPO MLANGONI NDIPO ALIGUNDUA,’HEH FIFUNGUO FYA TUKA FIKO WAPI?!!

Mrasta pia aliambiwa atunge sentensi akitumia neno JAMBO akasema,”JAH,MBONA UMENIACHA?”